Joy

What a consolation that, ” I could see JOY/Peace instead of this.” Lesson 34 ACIM

It’s my choice what I see. Looking beyond appearances at what the Christ would see, I can see Joy, Peace, and Forgiveness. Yes, my ego’s eyes see usually see otherwise, but I am learning to ask Spirit’s help in seeing the essence of myself, others, and the entire world in the light of Christ. Makes an eternity and many lifetime’s viewpoint more loving and gentle.

“I could see Joy instead of this.”

Your Tired Eyes

from my notebook-April 2021

“To your tired eyes I bring a vision of a different world, so new and clean and fresh you will forget the pain and sorrow that you saw before. ⁵Yet this a vision is which you must share with everyone you see, for otherwise you will behold it not. ⁶To give this gift is how to make it yours. ⁷And God ordained, in loving kindness, that it be for you.” (ACIM, T-31.VIII.8:4-7)

“You are still worn and tired, and the desert’s dust still seems to cloud your eyes and keep you sightless. (ACIM, T-18.VIII.13:2)

I am indeed world-weary and tired indeed of not seeing. Of projecting, judging, and reincarnating over hundreds of lifetimes.

Over the past six months, I have given myself over to daily study of A Course in Miracles in order to see differently. With vision. Through the eyes of Spirit. It’s the beginning of envisioning myself and everyone else as we really are in Spirit. Equal and divine. Together. One with God. A huge endeavor, but not without hope–or help. The reason for Spirit.

Difficult to share these new and emerging understandings of mine outside the context of the Course. I’ve been delving into this for the past three years, but only after studying with my online study group have I begun to understand and find increasing glimpses of Inner Peace–the goal of the Course.

Halleluiah!

this moment

this lifetime

a culmination of thousands

a dream trip through the maze

a sleepwalk through the chaotic workings of mind

   an endless stream of remembering

and forgetting

       remembering

forgetting

            remembering.

Having long ago tossed out Church

I absorb other

bits, pieces, escapes

Momentary sparks of hope

during the familiar slogs through aloneness-es.

Then an occasional encounter with divinity.

an opening

softening

 and       

       and finally,

the EMBRACE

My Padded Cell

My Padded Cell

Today’s lesson compares my choice of living with the ego to living in a stark, white, padded cell. The door opposite me represents my freedom from what I have finally come to admit is my chaotic, miserable life. The problem is, I think I can find a way out by myself. But when I look around, I am surrounded by images of other people (my brothers), each offering me a key to the door. However, I refuse and persist in thinking I can power my way through and escape into “the heaven beyond” by myself.

The Course in Miracles does not appeal to everyone. It resonates with those who have lived long enough and/or tried enough other spiritual paths, but still feels empty. I am among those who have reached the “end of their rope,” and in one way or another admit to themselves:

I give up. There has to be a better way.”

Having spent nineteen years in a convent, then delved into a variety of other ancient and new age spiritual traditions—each offering me a temporary–I have finally found the Course. I recognize I’m inside, my cell facing the locked door that offers an escape ito a sweet haven of peace on the other side. Not heaven, as per traditional Christianity, but a true and lasting peace of mind–an escape from this nightmarish dream of life.

The Course teaches that this life is a dream and that there is an escape:  Forgiveness. Accepting the key presented by each my brothers is the “key: to exiting the door together. This represents a whole new, non-traditional kind of forgiveness, which I am slowly beginning to learn. A whole new kind of door-opening that frees me from my solitary confinement and stills my being at its core.

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Blogging the Course

The Spiritual Journey of a former Nun

February 11, 2021

Today’s lesson – 41 God is my strength. Vision is His gift.

In the quiet space within, this morning I realized I’ve been trying to slog through the Course by myself. No small feat for a heavy-duty book with about 1300 pages. Mucking through a lesson a day and attempting to remember it has been challenging. Often without a noticeable result–a disappoiintment to the ego.

You’re doing better than the next guy and beginning to make sense of it—a huge step for a Course student. Where’s that feeling of peace that’s promised?

That’s because I’m still trying to do it on my own, and failing to let Spirit do the work.

Un-doing.

Letting go.

Forgiving . . . is what it’s all about.

“Forgiveness is still and does nothing It merely sits and waits and judges not.”

Being passive and sitting back is not as easy as it might seem. My life is about taking on responsibility for myself and pushing through, even though I thought I was trusting Spirit.

Today’s lesson–God is my strength. Vision is His gift—invites me to go into my mind –into the Stillness–for five minutes. To let go, back out of the outside world, and delve into the inner realm of the Mind— of God.  I tiptoe in and am drawn into its Vastness. Nothingness. The Void. Into Spirit.

Hesitant and slightly intimidated, I often back out.

The Course teaches that we are more afraid of finding God than we are of not finding Him. Hard to believe.

The nothingness, peace, and vastness beckons. The momentaty taste is enough and reminds me I can return any time. The stillness waits for me.

To return, I must let go. Be willing to take the plunge into the darkness, which I remember is merely God-disguised-as-Void.

God’s strength is not forceful, but overwhelmingly encouraging and gentle. It is sunshine beckoning the flower bud. An Invitation to Open, Soften, and Embrace the Divine.

As I do, my sight is replaced by Vision, wherein I behold all creation as He does—with Love.

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Our Lady of Peace

i couldn’t resist entitling one of my recent drawings:

Our Lady of Peace

. . . in the very Catholc tradition of paying tribute to the Virgin Mary.

My version of the virgin (not) includes tatoos and orange hair,

honoring the fact that the holy lady is no more special than any other human.

By declaring her “Our Lady of”. . . Peace, (in this example), I reference my own recent taste of deep calm . . . of . . . Peace.

The study of A Course in Miracles has opened up channels to a new way of approaching life. One that leads to

a more frequent experience of inner peace.

Everyone or No one

Another Course in Miracles lesson

My whole life has been an attempt to become what I think it is that Spirit/Source/God wants. I’ve searched every nook and cranny for the way to enlightenment.

Endless job.

And mostly for naught.

So much futile hunting-for and not-finding a way to be lifted up and out of my daily hum-drum self. Hoping to be transformed into some kind of magical, wondrous being, filled with wisdom and light.

Today in ACIM class–somewhere in chapter 21 of the text–it bonked me on the head: Nobody gets enlightened alone. I either get uplifted and transformed along with everyone else or not at all. Or I stand condemned along with them. When I judge even one person, I judge myself.

As so many spiritual paths teach, I really am not alone, but One with —-all. A sobering reminder to learn the ACIM way of forgiveness. In doing so, I free not only “the seeming other”, but my own fumbling, but always loveable self.

Zooming

For hours each week, I sit in front of my laptop and participate in zoom classes. Lately, I’ve taken to sketching the people who occupy the screen. They’re getting better by the day, even if I do say so myself. It’s taken me getting older to loosen up and let my hand flow, resulting in satisfying lines adrift on the page.

Here’s another

I admire it almost as if it came from someone else. Only it didn’t. I’m inspired. . . .

Peace of Mind

I’ve been burrowing into the study of the Course over the past couple months, and though I’ve struggled to understand and work with the material for a few years, only recently have I begun to understand. My participation in online classes through A School for ACIM makes a difference.

Though I’ve meditated for most of my life in attempt to quiet my mind , it’s still like trying to harnass a wild animal. However, my brief encounters with inner stillness make it all worthwhile.

Inner stillness.

Inner peace.

Rare moments withou self-judgement and unconditional acceptance are always available.

I’m still learning to let go and allow.

Open up to and accept.