A friend recently said to me, “Gosh, I didn’t know you struggled with feeling unworthy. You always seem so up.” Perhaps I came by such trait by accident. It didn’t help that a dark cloud of not-being-good-enough hung over my Mom most of her life, or that the theme song of my early years in the convent was, “Oh, Lord, I am not worthy. . .” Or that we nuns were urged toward perfection every day of our lives. It’s a wonder I emerged with any capacity at all to kick, scream, yell, or fight my way out of the dark paper bag of depression that I sometimes still inhabit.
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I think it is so much harder to always be up! I find myself struggling with feeling low sometimes and find it hard at times to keep a smile on my face each day. I always feel like I am supposed to be that way for everyone around me. Not an easy task.
Part of what I’ve had to learn to embrace, are those intermittent downturns. It’s simply part of who we are and okay, right?
Lesson in worthiness seem to be my theme this month. I’ve spent a fair amount of time considering, “What make me feel worthy?”I’ve been surprised that an outside affirmation is usually the answer to the question.. And perhaps that’s also the solution to my question: “Why do I feel unworthy? It’s been a month of lessons about grace.
Barb,
We no doubt view one another at such put-together women, each of us harboring the Unworthiness Demon. Thankfully, Grace intervenes and redeems us. Happy Easter, my friend.
Your magnificent photo makes me think you are on the way up!
That you respond so sincerely, makes me suspect you are familiar with the limb-up-and-out syndrome too.