Turn Around

Oh Lord, I AM entirely and always  worthy. 

Because of my participation in the healing process of EFT Tapping for the past six weeks, I am breaking through some pretty crusty issues in my life. Though I’ve considered myself a pretty open person, I have run smack dab into some heavy, closed down doors within myself.

My partner threatening to leave me has forced me to face and ultimately clear away every known and unknown road block. And BOY, I’ve discovered a TON of them. The pain of opening has been almost more than I can bear, but in the process, I’m clearing out some of the ugly gunk of self-doubt, clingy-ness, and fear of change. Deep habits I’ve carried around for year. By beginning to untie the ropes and let go, I’ve been willing to risk everything.

Lo and behold, things have already begun to turn around dramatically. In encountering my own essential GOODNESS, I see how entirely worthy I AM and have always been. I AM worthy of everything I’ve ever wanted.

So today, here I am. . .with my arms wide open. . .welcoming joy and all things good into my heart.

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Feeling Unworthy

“O Lord, I am not worthy. . .”

We nuns had to repeat this phrase over and over at least three times a day in the convent. I took it in at a deeper level than I should have. Much too young to know better, I let my sense of self be battered down to nothing. Over the past six weeks, I’ve been participating in a EFT Tapping Techniques webinar, which has faced me with the unworthiness tape at the root of my being. The good news is that it’s actually losing momentum. It’s easing off with the tapping.

Now, to share a quote that someone in the tapping community shared with me:

“You are beautifully enough. Your stories of ‘not good
enough’ are fictional novels written by a culture still
hiding its light under a mountain of shame. The REAL
story, your TRUE autobiography, is one of inherent
magnificence, courage and divinity flowing through
your soul-veins. So you decide which book to read—
the fictional novel written by those who do not SEE
you, or the HOLY BOOK written by your glorious
spirit.”

Jeff Brown

Back Again

Lone treeDue to the recent trauma in my relationship with my significant other, I’ve done some deep soul searching and discovered that I’ve never quite healed of some of my convent experiences. It triggered my abandonment and betrayal issues, which began when my parents left me at the convent–400 miles from home–at age fifteen. When they drove off, my heart sunk and I’ve yet to completely recover. You can read about it in detail when my book comes out, which will be soon.

 

 

Missy in a Basket

My cats are my allies–always there and eternally patient. Especially this past month, as I’ve been sloshing through the challenges of my primary relationship. I’ve run head on with my co-dependent, overly clingy, and needy persona, and for the first time in my life, turned to a professional counselor. Otherwise, I don’t know if I’d still be in one piece. It’s been an unbelievably painful experience.

On the bright side, I’m sailing through my book in spite of–perhaps even because of– it all. The end is finally on the horizon. Stay tuned. It’s worth the wait.