Another god – another time

 

Nadaka

“The Thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an eternal sky. . . still and white and lovely will it shine through all eternity.” ACIM

The God of A Course in Miracles stands in stark contrast to the God of my youth. A crowned male, high in the heavens who supposedy loved me. An overly sensitive God with a list of rules who could send me to Hell,

Not inclined to feel “close to” this moody God, I kept him and at arm’s length, feeling more at ease with and regular humans or animals.  God was someone to watch out for and own up to if I’d been naughty. Someone who kept track of whether I went to church or not.

In church I learned to close my eyes and bow my head after taking communion. I tried talking to this God, but grew tired with the one-sided conversation. Instead, I let imagination wander. After saying I was sorry for my sins and telling God I loved him, I stared at the lights bobbling and dancing inside the red votive glasses beside the altar. Or admired the hats on the women and girls drifting past me on their way to back to their seats after communion. Mostly ,I wished I were anywhere else besides church.

Now I know that what I had been seeking–or escaping–has always been within.

I need only close my eyes to find it . .

“The Thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an eternal sky. . . still and white and lovely will it shine through all eternity.”

 

 

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