this moment

this lifetime

a culmination of thousands

a dream trip through the maze

a sleepwalk through the chaotic workings of mind

   an endless stream of remembering

and forgetting

       remembering

forgetting

            remembering.

Having long ago tossed out Church

I absorb other

bits, pieces, escapes

Momentary sparks of hope

during the familiar slogs through aloneness-es.

Then an occasional encounter with divinity.

an opening

softening

 and       

       and finally,

the EMBRACE

My Padded Cell

My Padded Cell

Today’s lesson compares my choice of living with the ego to living in a stark, white, padded cell. The door opposite me represents my freedom from what I have finally come to admit is my chaotic, miserable life. The problem is, I think I can find a way out by myself. But when I look around, I am surrounded by images of other people (my brothers), each offering me a key to the door. However, I refuse and persist in thinking I can power my way through and escape into “the heaven beyond” by myself.

The Course in Miracles does not appeal to everyone. It resonates with those who have lived long enough and/or tried enough other spiritual paths, but still feels empty. I am among those who have reached the “end of their rope,” and in one way or another admit to themselves:

I give up. There has to be a better way.”

Having spent nineteen years in a convent, then delved into a variety of other ancient and new age spiritual traditions—each offering me a temporary–I have finally found the Course. I recognize I’m inside, my cell facing the locked door that offers an escape ito a sweet haven of peace on the other side. Not heaven, as per traditional Christianity, but a true and lasting peace of mind–an escape from this nightmarish dream of life.

The Course teaches that this life is a dream and that there is an escape:  Forgiveness. Accepting the key presented by each my brothers is the “key: to exiting the door together. This represents a whole new, non-traditional kind of forgiveness, which I am slowly beginning to learn. A whole new kind of door-opening that frees me from my solitary confinement and stills my being at its core.

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Blogging the Course

The Spiritual Journey of a former Nun

February 11, 2021

Today’s lesson – 41 God is my strength. Vision is His gift.

In the quiet space within, this morning I realized I’ve been trying to slog through the Course by myself. No small feat for a heavy-duty book with about 1300 pages. Mucking through a lesson a day and attempting to remember it has been challenging. Often without a noticeable result–a disappoiintment to the ego.

You’re doing better than the next guy and beginning to make sense of it—a huge step for a Course student. Where’s that feeling of peace that’s promised?

That’s because I’m still trying to do it on my own, and failing to let Spirit do the work.

Un-doing.

Letting go.

Forgiving . . . is what it’s all about.

“Forgiveness is still and does nothing It merely sits and waits and judges not.”

Being passive and sitting back is not as easy as it might seem. My life is about taking on responsibility for myself and pushing through, even though I thought I was trusting Spirit.

Today’s lesson–God is my strength. Vision is His gift—invites me to go into my mind –into the Stillness–for five minutes. To let go, back out of the outside world, and delve into the inner realm of the Mind— of God.  I tiptoe in and am drawn into its Vastness. Nothingness. The Void. Into Spirit.

Hesitant and slightly intimidated, I often back out.

The Course teaches that we are more afraid of finding God than we are of not finding Him. Hard to believe.

The nothingness, peace, and vastness beckons. The momentaty taste is enough and reminds me I can return any time. The stillness waits for me.

To return, I must let go. Be willing to take the plunge into the darkness, which I remember is merely God-disguised-as-Void.

God’s strength is not forceful, but overwhelmingly encouraging and gentle. It is sunshine beckoning the flower bud. An Invitation to Open, Soften, and Embrace the Divine.

As I do, my sight is replaced by Vision, wherein I behold all creation as He does—with Love.

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