Emerging

xmas eve 2015

There’s no doubt I’ve been held captive in my uncreative mind since the launching of my book. During the bringing-in-of-the-light part of our Solstice ritual the other night, I decided to beg the Goddesses to free me. I decided to use the lighting of my daily morning candle to symbolize the refiring of my creativity. After doing so this morning, I dug out my drawing tablet and doodled through the darkness, feeling much lighter when I finished. Maybe there’s hope. My Inner Sketcher might help me bypass the Critic.

Barbara Hand Clow’s Alchemy of Nine Dimensions has also contribured to my reemergence. Chapter by chapter, she introduces the dimension by means of a meditation. Today’s spirit journey took me into the Ninth Dimension. I traveled through the Black Hole in the center of the Milky Way by closing my eyes and pulling all my thoughts, feelings, past and future experiences toward my center like a magnet. These were energetically drawn like metal filings to the core of my being. The process took a while, but eventually I arrived at a place where there was nothing more to attract.

Nothing but silence.

After resting in the void for an eternity of moments, I expanded my consciousness outside the room and into the vastness of stars, all the way to the center of our Galaxy.

Utter stillness.

When I returned to my room, I felt as if I were emerging from the Black Hole of my own emptiness into Connection.

To myself.

at the Center

of All That Is.

Where’s It Gone?

Where’s it gone?  My self-esteem. Don’t know if it’s because I spent so many years in the habit, humbling myself or if it’s simply because I’m human, but my sense of self-worth fluctuates downward a bit too often. I recently called a halt to my floundering three-year relationship with my significant other and I’ve been scraping bottom more than usual since. Funny thing how I measure my worth through someone else’s eyes–that someone who has rejected me.

Though I tap, use affirmations, read uplifting messages, and meditate daily, I spiral downhill. I rely on the steady encouragement of close friends, and yet still struggle. The face in the mirror looks back at me with sadness, even though I smile. “Oh well”, as Mom used to say “This too shall pass”.

I can only hope.

Today’s thought from the Sedona Journal of Enlightenment provides me with hope:  “Bring your hands to your heart and feel within every cell of your body, ‘I am divine love.’ Can you feel that? Allow every cell in your body to recognize this. From this divine, compassionate action of receiving you already comprehend and trust the gift of you. You are divine love. You are divine. You have always been and will always be.”