As I rounded the corner of the garage today, a burst of purple Hyacinth greeted me.
No matter how preoccupied or out of sync I am, the beauty of a Portland spring sings me back into harmony.
I’ve been softly tip-toeing around the edges of my heart.
Interjecting moments of hope. Trust.
Opening to possibility. To hope of the impossible.
And in the process, I’m being surprised by miracles and becoming less impatient and judgmental. Less unforgiving.
Of myself first. Then others.
Amazing changes have been sneaking through my defenses.
I see myself a worthy being after all.
I’m so grateful.
Where’s it gone? My self-esteem. Don’t know if it’s because I spent so many years in the habit, humbling myself or if it’s simply because I’m human, but my sense of self-worth fluctuates downward a bit too often. I recently called a halt to my floundering three-year relationship with my significant other and I’ve been scraping bottom more than usual since. Funny thing how I measure my worth through someone else’s eyes–that someone who has rejected me.
Though I tap, use affirmations, read uplifting messages, and meditate daily, I spiral downhill. I rely on the steady encouragement of close friends, and yet still struggle. The face in the mirror looks back at me with sadness, even though I smile. “Oh well”, as Mom used to say “This too shall pass”.
I can only hope.
Today’s thought from the Sedona Journal of Enlightenment provides me with hope: “Bring your hands to your heart and feel within every cell of your body, ‘I am divine love.’ Can you feel that? Allow every cell in your body to recognize this. From this divine, compassionate action of receiving you already comprehend and trust the gift of you. You are divine love. You are divine. You have always been and will always be.”