Out of Stone

Out of Stone

I am the one who emerges from my stony, virginal self as a vibrantly alive being. The image of the Blessed Virgin Mary from my childhood was never real to me, and I had trouble relating to her in the convent. It was after I left and took classes in Women’s Studies, when I discovered the actual meaning of the word virgin. Original virgins were anything but celibate, non-sexual woman. They were strong, defiant  and independent, because they resisted being herded into Patriarchal submission during the Burning Times . I still work at restoring the strength and freedom I so blithely signed away so many years ago.

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Missy in a Basket

My cats are my allies–always there and eternally patient. Especially this past month, as I’ve been sloshing through the challenges of my primary relationship. I’ve run head on with my co-dependent, overly clingy, and needy persona, and for the first time in my life, turned to a professional counselor. Otherwise, I don’t know if I’d still be in one piece. It’s been an unbelievably painful experience.

On the bright side, I’m sailing through my book in spite of–perhaps even because of– it all. The end is finally on the horizon. Stay tuned. It’s worth the wait.

Leading out

Leading out

A friend recently said to me, “Gosh, I didn’t know you struggled with feeling unworthy. You always seem so up.” Perhaps I came by such trait by accident. It didn’t help that a dark cloud of not-being-good-enough hung over my Mom most of her life, or that the theme song of my early years in the convent was, “Oh, Lord, I am not worthy. . .” Or that we nuns were urged toward perfection every day of our lives. It’s a wonder I emerged with any capacity at all to kick, scream, yell, or fight my way out of the dark paper bag of depression that I sometimes still inhabit.

View from the Sun porch

View from the Sun porch

I spent a couple days at my sister’s place on the coast. The view from her sun porch was as magical as the view of the ocean from her garden. We traded Tarot readings, while surrounded by potted plants, crystals, seashells, and the sunny view from every window. By the time I returned home on Sunday, I felt completely infused, transformed, and renewed. Everyone should have a sister who lives by the sea.